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Thursday, October 18, 2007

Could You?

This is for men and women out there. Could you maintain a serious relationship with someone you find very attractive, but isn't nearly as smart? How long do you think it would last? Could you spend the rest of your life with them?

I'm curious if there will be real differences between the sexes on this. There's no right answer, so lemme have it! I'll definitely post my own thoughts in a day or so, I just don't want to taint any comments.


Barbara (aka Layla) said...

Excellent question, I hope you get some honest feedback like I did on my recent post - I think I pissed a few people off with that one....oh well.

For me personally - no. I have dated some gorgeous guys that were sweet but just kind of lacking. I think intelligence is sexy and stimulating and keeps me interested. But my definition is not really intellect, its more of an attitude of being curious about life, learning all the time, being able to talk about lots of different subjects, passionate about his beliefs no matter what they are. Of course attraction is important...without that you would never have the inclination to find out what the person was like in the first place.

I guess my bottom line answer: intelligence (and kindness) is what attracts me

Teri said...

No, I couldn't. Intelligence is one of the most important things I look for in someone (besides all the other usual things like kindness, honesty, etc...) Hence, I married Lloyd with an IQ of 168, go figure... now if only he could trade some of those IQ points for some common sense points :)

An80sNut said...

I really try not to judge people on their intellect. I find myself gravitating to those people but I don't make a call in that respect.

What I can say is that there are those times dating someone that you find yourself going over their head during conversation. You may restate it, restate it again, analogize it and lastly dumb it down before giving up. If this happens often, frustration builds and you avoid certain conversations. When communication fails, the rest slowly follows.

I guess that I could start a relationship like that but it won't end pretty. I'd prefer someone that is looking to broaden their minds, challenges my perspective and has some original thoughts. B)

New White Keds said...

Speaking as someone who has dated in the not too bright pool, I would say no, I could not and would not enter into a permanent relationship (marriage) with someone who is not as intelligent as I am. And that is not to claim my superior intelligence, it is just to say that they have to at least be able to keep up with me in a conversation.

What I will say, though, is that educated smart and real-life smart are two very different things. I have a hewalthy respect for someone who is bright, but not educated. If they take the time to ask what I am talking about and actually get it, well, then that is a whole different ball of wax.

I must admit, though, there is a definite sexy factor to a smart man. Yummm-y!

Redneck Nerdboy! said...

I hope this doesn't sound shallow, and I don't mean it to, but... here goes:

I tried carrying on a relationship with a woman who was ohmyGodsofukinghot-cantkeepmyeyesoffher, but she was not all there intellectually and her social skills were a bit lacking. Matter of fact, there were times I'd look at her and she would be just staring into space and I just knew nothing was going on up there. But damn, she could wear a potato sack and make it look sexy.

It didn't work because I started thinking about what more there was in our lives than just smokin' hot animal activity every night... we were young, you know... and she couldn't respond to anything more than that. So, I left her for a more intelligent woman.

Turns out she soon thereafter started losing her hotness and began to look much, much different. Same with me, I'm sure she was thinking! The lack of intelligence was still there though, and I knew that I'd made the right decision.

Ken said...

I couldn't marry someone I couldn't have a meaningful converstion with. There is a definite difference between book smart and being intelligent and engaging. It is important that I be with someone who is intelligent and engaging, and like Keds indicated, at least willing to ask questions if they don't understand.

Nik said...

I couldn't be with someone who wasn't smart, whether it be street smart or book smart. I would have to be with someone who had a healthy dose of both. I don't claim to be a genius, but most people think I'm pretty darn smart. I can't imagine trying to hold a conversation with someone who just couldn't get what I was talking about. Now if it's someone who didn't get it, but was willing to ask questions and learn, then he'd last a bit longer. But in the end, I'd have to end it, since I'd start to feel like he was my child or my student after awhile.

I don't think any of you are shallow for saying no to this question. I think you'd be shallower(?) for dating the hot moron (no offense to anyone).

Good question Lora-- way to get people thinking.

Meow (aka Connie) said...

Good looks are not that important ... substance is, though ... I couldn't imagine being with someone I couldn't hold a meaningful conversation with. One without the other doesn't work in my books.
Take care, Meow

Otto said...

I didn't see this question until just now, but here's my take:

For starters, I think the question already implies the answer it wants.

But for me, no, I could not date a girl much less plan a life with her if she were vacuous. Looks are great. I mean, we all like attractive people. But if you're not all there in the thinky department or are a complete jackass, I want nothing to do with you.

Looks only carry a person so far. You've got to have a brain too. But I see people, men and women alike, who focus too much on what a mate looks like.

Mainly, it comes down to being with someone who meets the things you want. That could be sports, art, travel, who knows. I think it comes down to a mutual interest and chemistry.

For me, I've dated girls who were attractive, but kinda dense. I don't have the patience for that.

The girls for whom I ending pining are the ones who speak my language, so to speak.

The bottom line is attraction cannot be quantified. You can't look at it as the sum of its parts. either it's there or it's not.

But if you're the sort of person who will only consider a mate based upon looks, I think that's shallow.

I know a guy who once said, "I could date a girl who is racist if she's hot. I mean, it's just an opinion."

I wish I could tell you he was joking, but he wasn't.

That's the very definition of being shallow.

I didn't mean to make a long story longer, but for me, the girl who trips my wire is the one who has a brain and isn't going to take an ounce of shit from me or anyone else. I like women who are independent, assertive and subservient to no one.

But that's just me.

Valerie said...

I couldn't live, day in and day out, w/ someone who can't carry on an intellectual conversation.

Vegas Princess said...

No. I have dated good looking men who had the personality of a doorknob. Looks only go so far. If you can not carry one a conversation with someone there will not be much to go on. Usually there is not a second date if there isn't anything there to conversate with.