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Monday, April 03, 2006

Deep Thoughts

Did you see that movie "The Notebook"? I saw it over a year ago and thought it was one of the best love stories I'd ever seen. I was reminded of it tonight on youtube.com, watching this video with clips of the movie.

My questions to you: Does true love die when the relationship ends? Or does it just become a series of good memories to be cherished, never really dying, but never moving forward?


An80sNut said...

Never seen the movie but I might have to add it to the building list.

1) Does true love die when the relationship ends? Relationship is a broad term. I think that if you have no relationship and no contact, it's dead. Unless you are the stalker-type and have voodoo dolls and pictures of the person that you stare at when no one is looking.

2) Or does it just become a series of good memories to be cherished, never really dying, but never moving forward? It can become a series of good memories but one needs to detach themselves from that past memory to cherish it. If not, one dwells and goes over and over about what went wrong and what they should have done to make it work. Seeing the big picture is never easy when you are so close to it.

New White Keds said...

There is a fine line between dreaming and a memory -- and I think we tend to romanticize the past. Seems to be human nature. So maybe those fond memories are best left as they are -- in the past. And if the relationship ends, then my question is was it really TRUE love? I guess it beggs another question:Is there only one TRUE love?

LoraLoo said...

Martin: I agree that it does essentially die after time has passed. It is really hard to see the reality when you can't be objective about it. Seeing it for what it really is/was takes time and experience.

Amy: I don't know that I could have said it better myself. We do tend to romanticize the past - which backs up what Martin said.

I can understand the notion of "Was it really true love?" if the relationship ended. It poses the idea that it wasn't meant to be, so it can't possibly have been true love. I don't necessarily agree with that. I believe there is more than one person out there for all of us, it just depends on finding who is most compatible. Those we meet along the way are a means to an end, but still important nonetheless.

Redneck Nerdboy! said...

Well, I wonder sometimes how many of us honestly find "true love". I don't think there is only one true love for everyone. I think true love is something that doesn't exist.

But there is however, that fascination with someone that we have for a while until we become familiar with the person we were fascinated with... then the novelty wears off and the little irksome things about each other surface and after a while, if steps are not taken to remember what it was we found fascinating in each other in the first place, there is only contempt.

I wonder if that's why there are so many divorces in the U.S. because people mistake fascination for true love and think it's forever when it really isn't. A vast epidimic of one night stands that are mistaken for relationships.

Or maybe I'm just bitter for some reason! I should seek therapy.

Bar Bar A said...

Lora, great conversation you have got going here!

I am torn on this subject. I think Martin has a great point and Amy stated it really well. I feel like there is a love in my life that will never die even though the relationship is dead - is it healthy, is it real? I don't know, but probably not.

I do believe there is true love and that there can be more than one true love for each person (I know my "boyfriend" truly loved his wife who died and truly loves me)"

I also agree with the point Redneck is making but I think that sometimes fascination can turn to love. It's not the lack of fascination that causes a relationship to die, it's a lack of commitment. People want to FEEL in love and when it fades with one person they move on to the next. That feeling comes and goes but when you make a commitment to love no matter what you give your relationship a chance to develop and deepen over time. Adversity and challenge can actually bring people closer in the long wrong if they are willing to accept that "love" is not just a feeling.

As far as true love ending. I don't know if you can answer that. In my case I believe it was true love, but love wasn't enough to keep us together. One of us was unwilling to overcome fear and change. I still we will always have a love for each other even though we've moved on.

Off the soapbox. Thanks for asking this great question!

Bar Bar A said...

You have been infected with the Indie Virus!

It’s nothing horrible, just a new tag/experiment that’s going around. I got tagged and didn’t want to ruin the experiment so I passed it to you!

LoraLoo said...

Jas: I do think true love exists, but I don't think it can be defined. It's different for each individual.

I do also agree that infatuation or lust is often confused with the real thing, thus one of many reasons for our ridiculous divorce rate.

Barbara: I like the point you make about people needing to feel that love, and when the excitement/newness fades, some move on. I think that is soooo true! I think one comes to a level of maturity before they realize the truth about love and lasting relationships.

I also have a relationship from years ago which was a true love and will always remain so, even though the relationship is clearly over and part of the distant past. It simply moved to a different level, filed away in my mind as a series of cherished memories. Of course there were reasons it ended, not to be forgotten... but remembering the good things without clouding reality is never a bad thing.

LoraLoo said...

Barbara, I briefly saw something on your page about this Indie virus, but it disappeared?

Nik said...

I LOVE,love,love that movie. It makes me cry everytime I see it (or as in that video, clips of it).

As for your question, it's tricky because it's different for each person. I believe that true love does exist (but it's not a situtation where there's only one person), but it's not something that's just handed to you and everything's fine and good either. You have to work at loving someone. Also, I don't believe that it dies either. I'm in a relationship right now, but I still(and always will) love my ex-boyfriend. I have no desire to be with the ex again, but he will always hold a special place in my heart.
This is an awesome topic and there's so much that could be said about it, from every aspect of the scope. It's interesting to see what people have to say.

*s* said...

I bought that movie when it first came out on DVD... but still haven't had the guts to watch it because I read the book first... and BAWLED my eyes out. lol... as for your question... I'm a hopeless romantic. But even so, being a child of divorce, I see what can happen, and I still believe that true love is out there for my mom... and no I don't think true love ever dies. I like to believe that that love filled positive energy is passed on to other people who came into contact with you... children, friends, family, etc.

Redneck Nerdboy! said...

Ooooh, very good point Bar Bar A! I like the ideas that you portray. I also like how you think Lora, and you're more right than I am, I'm sure. Like I said, I could be a little delusional from life smacking me around early on.


LoraLoo said...

Nik: Yes, that movie is honestly in my top 5 of all time. I cried, and cried, and cried! And, High-Five for your thoughts on love and relationships. I couldn't agree more.

Sheena: I like your new username. :) I never read the book, but you have to see that movie! Be sure you have a box of kleenex, but it is so absolutely touching. I've heard from some who have read the book and saw the movie, and they've said the movie did well portraying the story.

Jas: No no no, I like how YOU think! :)

New White Keds said...

OK, let me add to this again... Does EVERYONE have a true love and do they always get to be with that person? What do you do when there is a true love between two people, but they are not meant to be? Not for fear or anything like that... but because of timing. Maybe one waited to find it and one settled on less than perfection. Then what? Does THAT true love ever die, or did it even have the chance to live?

Loo, grat topic!

*s* said...

oohh.. good one. I experienced that. One of my best friends and I dated. I honestly loved him, as a person, a friend, his spirit, etc. He said he loved me... but he was constantly looking for the next "great thing"... and he found her, which was perfect because later I married my now husband... (I believe everything happens for a reason) I always considered us somewhat impossible soulmates, which I guess would make us not soulmates at all... lol, but I don't think that love died at all. We're still best friends, we keep in touch, I'm happy, and unfortunately he's still always looking for the next great girl, even when he's got one.

Fred said...

My daughter's seen it probably close to 50 times. And then some.

It's a series of good memories for me, always to be remembered. I had one true love before meeting The Missus, and it was a great time in my life. No regrets with many good memories.

Life's to short -- there's something learned from everyone we meet, and maybe more so with those who we've loved at one point.

Matt said...

The love...gone. The good memories remain.

Teri said...

I read the book and cried as I read it. What a touching story. I don't think true love ever dies, it just changes.

Vegas Princess said...

I love the Notebook, it is one of my favorite movies. In fact I think I may need to go watch it tonight!

True love is undefined simply becuase for each person it means something different. what I believed would be true love when I was younger changed drastically as I grew older and more experienced in the ways of the world. I believe I have true love with my husband, but some may look at our relationship and wonder how it could work. Perception is everything, but nothing beats how you feel in your heart.